Highlights from Chapter 6

Tell it to Your Husband

“In my distress I called upon the LORD,

Yes, I cried to my God;

And from His temple He heard my voice,

And my cry for help came into His ears.”

—2 Samuel 22:7

“Save your drama for your Mama” better yet, save it for your Papa.

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Let me let you in on a secret that the Lord taught me—NEVER talk about ANYTHING when there are emotions still tied to it. What I mean is this: when someone has hurt you, you will respond with one of two emotions: hurt or anger. If you talk to someone about "whatever it is" while you are hurting, while there are emotions still tied to it— you will shed tears, exposing your tender and fragile heart, resulting in even more hurt. 

In the same way, if you talk to someone while you are angry, you will fuel the fire resulting in your saying things that are cutting, cruel, and often exaggerated—saying things you will regret later on. Things you will try to tell the victim are things you really didn’t mean.

So, what do you do with all those feelings?

You take them all to God, your HF Heavenly Father, who will bring you true and deep comfort each and every time someone hurts you. Honestly, though what you want is for the other person to “make it right” but the truth is: the person who has assailed you, will never be able to heal you—and, how foolish it is for us to think that they can.

They simply don't have it—that don't have, won't have, could never have what you need.

Ridiculous

Here's how absurd, how ridiculous this line of thinking is—even though everyone takes it for granted that we need to force our assailant, attacker, assaulter to make it right. So, let's just say, for example, that someone viciously attacked you physically, would you ask your perpetrator to sew up your wounds? Even if the person were a doctor, would you trust that they would be able to help you heal—how can you trust them when he or she was the one who caused your injury? That’s why it is not only silly but also stupid to try to make the other person help you heal, by making it right, when he or she is the one who has hurt you.

The Bible says that the Lord is our great Physician, and it is so true. He alone can heal our hurts, deep down, down to the route—if you would simply take each and every injury to Him. “Is there no balm...? Is there no Physician there? Why then has the health of the daughter of my people not been restored?” (Jer. 8:22). The answer is because we do not go to the great Physician, but instead, we use artificial, and even dangerous, means to cure what has injured us.

Even though God knows everything, He still understands that women especially need to talk it out. Unfortunately, we often talk to our "offender" or do what is just as damaging and talk to other people about it. Even people who are trained to listen will never ever be able to mend your heart that is hurt, broken, and bleeding. Never. And that is why talking to someone else not only does not help, but it keeps the wide wound open and festering.

Learn the secret of taking all your emotions to your prayer closet. This one principle could be the most powerful key to a restored relationship. Learn to find your prayer closet in your home and also where you work—since all of us know that very often it is that cell phone call that pierces our hearts that needs instant healing.

At home, it could be a dark closet, your bathroom, or your bedroom—if you can gain privacy there. At work, it could be a storage closet, a bathroom stall, or your personal office—if you can gain privacy there. Here's a good way to start bringing your hurts to your Physician—ask HIM to show you, reveal to you, or lead you to where He wants you to go when you are hurt and need Him to heal you.

God knows (and I use this phrase literally, God is who knows) that you may be a person who would benefit by going out for a walk or simply taking a drive to get away. Alone, you can tell it all to your Heavenly Father or Heavenly Husband—both are just waiting to hear and mend your heart.

Once again, whether at home or at work or anywhere else you've been attacked in the past ASK HIM to show you where to find that special place where you can get the privacy to not only speak to Him, but to LISTEN to what He wants to reveal to you.

Once again, here is the rule that will save you so much heartache in your life:

NEVER discuss anything when there are emotions tied to it! These emotions normally mean your hurt, and possibly their anger. And if the other person is angry, agree immediately, just nodding your head so they know they've been heard can very often calm the situation. If you're able to go the extra mile by taking full responsibility. Learn these simple words and practice saying them often, “It’s all my fault.” You'll be shocked at what happens!

Just recently the Lord confirmed this principle by allowing me to see the opposite of what I have just shared with you. For years I had always, not just occasionally, taken all my hurts, or any other negative emotion directly to the Lord. On this day, as I normally do, I took it to the Lord, but upon exiting, I encountered my assailant who pressed me once again, simply repeating the same hurtful words that had injured me the first time. Not only was I re-injured, but this person was adamant to talk about it.

Let me tell you what you already know, but maybe have never really looked at it carefully. In 99% of these “discussions” that everyone is so eager to have, the result is much more hurt, and words that linger for hours, days, or sometimes, years!

However, if you welcome the wisdom that I have shared with you, that He shared with me, and take your hurts or frustrations to the Lord, rather than spreading them around, creating a greater, and often “incurable” mess, you will be able to discuss them, if asked, later. That’s the revelation that you will find as I did: once I talked it all out with the Lord, I no longer need to discuss anything! How freeing!! Even though the other person felt they needed to discuss it, as far as I was concerned, my heart, mind, soul, and spirit were completely at rest, which is due to the lifetime benefit of going to the great and mighty Physician for so many years!

I promise that when there are no more hurts, your emotions will settle down and no longer destroy your life by causing your loved ones to avoid you. Instead, you will be a wise woman who smiles at the future, and a woman everyone wants to be around.

Always speak about good things, happy things, and be a good listener rather than talking all the time. This is another benefit to talking to the Lord, a lot. When we talk to friends, or family, it tends to make us desperate for more. Do you know why? Because talking to others doesn’t satisfy us, because it is an imitation of what we were designed for. We were designed to have intimacy with our Creator, therefore, nothing satisfies us the same way.