Highlights of Chapter 10
It’s All My Fault
“He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross,
So that we might die to sin and live to righteousness;
For by His wounds you were healed.”
—1 Peter 2:24
When someone goes astray, especially a son or daughter, and even a spouse, the first thing Christians are told to do is administer tough love.
Basically, it is giving the offender the ultimatum of either shaping up or shipping out: throwing someone out of your home or life (son, daughter, husband or wife) as a way of showing your disapproval and/or changing their behavior. Unfortunately, if it ever “works” it is always temporary; and when it goes badly it usually destroys the offender. In addition, the family who administers this form of psychology-based rhetoric will be left with a giant whole in their heart and a testimony that is ruined, primarily because there is nowhere in the Bible that encourages us to handle the situation this way.
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When it was first discovered that my husband had been unfaithful to me (I caught them quite by accident in a hotel when my husband’s boss sent me there to look for him when he didn’t answer his page), it broke me beyond belief. I was not angry, but broken, devastated, and despondent. By seeking the Lord, even for how He could I forgive him (when I didn’t want to, when I didn’t think he deserved it, and that I didn’t think I could do it), God instantly changed my heart (only because I sought Him to do so; I would never have been able to do it myself).
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There is no way for me to describe how often I felt like applying tough love because I just wanted it all to stop! Yet, before I do anything, I have learned to continually seek the Lord. It was He, alone, who kept me from doing what might have felt good at the time but would later have caused more heartache and destruction than what I inevitably lived (and am living through). Instead of reacting, or ignoring, or talking about what was going on, I chose, instead, to give it to the Lord—time, after time, after time, after time!
When you are assailed with evil, Jesus told us plainly, that we were not to resist it. And going beyond non-resistance, we were to bless. That is what the Bible tells us to do because something amazing happens: you live in peace. Inside and outside is peace with no trace of pain, or bitterness (which is pain that goes into your spirit). It is like a healing balm that I have learned to run to when anyone hurts me.
If your son, or daughter, or husband is in sin, you have the ability to take the blame, lifting the burden of shame, condemnation, and undo guilt that is weighing them down. When you are the one throwing the blame, shame, and condemning your loved one, you are simply the spokesperson for the enemy whose nature it is to accuse. Accusing is ugly and damaging, and what is often at the root of your relationship’s destruction. You are waiting for them to do what is right, when it is YOU who have the power to break the chains that has your son, daughter, or husband bound, but you refuse to use that power.
This gift is what I choose to give to all my offenders. It is not something that I reserve for my family only—but am willing to bestow on anyone who does me wrong. This gift is limitless, and only increases the more we use it. Sadly, because of PRIDE so few Christians will stoop that low, and therefore, miss one of the greatest powers and kindest gifts that exists.